I’ve been thinking about this. Thinking about it to the point of frustration.

Attempted it once. It didn’t work.

Thought about it some more.

And then someone else did it. And I’m totally going to seem like I’m merely following, but honestly – it’s been on my to-do list for awhile now.

So I packed up my things. And I moved. 

I’d be thrilled if you followed me. Change your feed readers and update your blog rolls – if I’m on any!

I should be enjoying this weekend. I am, but not as much as I should.

I’m stressing about work. And whether it’s working. I did get some positive feedback from my agency this week, but then I got some not so positive feedback directly on Thursday afternoon. I’m still trying to figure out a routine and make the job mine – yes, it’s a contract, but it’s a long contract. The feedback was that my routine isn’t working.

If this falls through, I wouldn’t be devastated. I’d be pissed off about having to find more temp work to keep me going, but I’d be okay.

The course is my light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve always had it in the back of my mind that I want to work for myself. I want to call the shots – it’s not that I don’t like authority, it’s more that I want that independence, that flexibility. Now I’m studying, it seems almost within reach. It excites me. It’s giving me options. I can see myself now, working in a salon. I think that’s part of my problem. My long-awaited course is in progress and I can see the possibilities.

My “bread and butter” job? Not as exciting as it used to be. And I’m still learning it, three weeks after jumping contracts – this accounts job is so much more in-depth than my last, and I went into this contract thinking I’d have it down pat in a few days. I underestimated it. I’m doing my best to make it work, to pick things up as quickly as I can. Sometimes I think I’m not doing too badly, and other times I wonder just what I’ve gotten myself into.

I guess I just have to make do with the cards I’m holding at the moment. I wonder how good my poker face is?

The irony – this time last year, I was sitting around lamenting that I’d done ‘nothing’ with my life so far. Fast forward 12 months, and I’m juggling!

I checked my bank account yesterday, and nearly fell off my chair. Just where did all my money go? What happened to that nice buffer I had from not spending my full pay each week?

Shopping. That’s what happened.

My favourite clothing store had sales on – AGAIN – and I went a little crazy. Crazy, as in – MY WARDROBE IS ALREADY FULL OF STUFF THAT I DON’T REMEMBER BUYING, LET ALONE WEARING, BUT SINCE EVERYTHING IS 30-50% OFF, I’LL SPEND ANOTHER $250 ODD THIS FORTNGHT BUYING MORE STUFF THAT, OH WAIT, DOESN’T FIT IN MY WARDROBE BECAUSE IT ALREADY EXPLODES EVERY TIME I OPEN THE DOOR!!!

Ahem, sorry about the caps. That’s just the virtual DiNozzo-style slap up the back of the head I should have given myself a few weeks ago.

On the upside, I got my gorgeous blue trench coat for half price. The trench of AWESOMENESS.

So yes. Clothes. Clothes, clothes everywhere.

I need a cleanout.

Except I have a plastic storage container already bursting at the seams from the last cleanout I had. The one I had and then was all, “oh, I’ll list it all on eBay as soon as I get a chance/charge the camera batteries/have a day to myself/need the money.” And thus, the great eBay sale of 2010 has yet to take place. But that’s okay, because after THIS cleanout, I’ll have to do it, right?

And if it wasn’t clothes, it was new seat covers for my car. Which, admittedly, were needed. My existing ones are 4 years old and a little threadbare. And if it wasn’t car seat covers, it was towels, exfoliant and moisturiser for my mini home salon. All desperately needed stuff, honestly!

Although paying the electricity bill on time is pretty important, because how am I supposed to be able to organise an outfit with all my fantastic new clothes if I can’t turn the bloody lights on? Or worse, all my crops on Farmville will shrivel up and die because I can’t turn on the computer! Oh, and I wouldn’t be able to have a hot shower either, but meh.

Right. Electricity bill. Kinda important. No more clothes, or car stuff, or salon supplies for awhile. No more shopping.

As of Sunday. Tomorrow I’m going to look at a new digital camera that’s advertised. I need it, I swear!
(Hey, do you want to see the trench of AWESOMENESS or not?!)

I”m nearly a month into my course now. It’s good, but tiring. My nails came off last week, and I hate it. I haven’t bitten any yet (key word, YET), but that’s because I’m constantly repainting them. Yesterday we were brown. Today, purple. Tonight I’m doing my toes – haven’t picked a colour yet. Probably pink.
I advertised cheap manicures at work, for practice. I’m charging enough to cover costs, and the experience is good. I’ve done one manicure so far, and another one is coming up on Friday. More people booked, but they’ve rescheduled/cancelled/not shown up. I did have one booked for each night this week, and now I’m quite relieved that I don’t. I need a break. A full five day week, one day of study and then manicures and housework on weeknights and my only day off is a bit much. I’m looking forward to Easter – four days of doing NOTHING. I don’t have to go anywhere since the course isn’t on Easter Saturday. I’m going to sleep in, bludge, and maybe spend some time with Matt. Maybe… haha.

This is also my second week in my new job. It’s pretty full on. I’m getting there slowly. It’s not the sort of job where you can just jump in and know everything. There’s lots of things to remember, quirks, names, etc. My new desk is covered in sticky notes. And I mean, COVERED. I’m getting there. The people are nice enough.

My gym challenge is going well. So far I’ve lost 2.5kg in three weeks. I want it to be more, but I may be being unreasonable with that. I’m aiming for 8kg in the 8 weeks so I can get my massage. Some days I’m going to the gym twice, but I’m mainly focusing on going in the morning. On Monday night I survived 1.5k on the STAIRMASTER. That was after doing 1.5k on the rower, and before 1k on the treadmill. Oh yes. It hurt like a bitch, and I’m pretty sure I had an asthma attack afterwards, but I totally owned it. I’m adjusting to the morning gym visits. Actually, it’s nice to get it over and done with, and it does help keep me on track diet wise throughout the day. It’s motivating to see that I’ve burned something like 400 calories and I know damn well breakfast is only going to be 150. It gives me the energy I used to get from drinking that 2 litres of Coke a day. Speaking of that, nearly 3 months soft drink free! Halfway to my goal!

As of yesterday, I am officially on my way to become a qualified nail technician.

It was about a 40 minute drive to the college, which I managed without too much hassle. I live in a bubble, see, and that bubble is quite small. Everything I do is within 15-20 minutes drive of home, and if something requires driving outside the bubble, I don’t do it. Driving as far as I did was a big deal – but I enjoyed it. I like driving, and that alone time was pretty cool.

Anyway, the course. It was a bit strange sitting in a classroom again after so long, but it didn’t feel foreign. Snippets of Year 12 Biology flashed before my eyes as we learnt about the components of the nail itself – did you know that we have not one, but THREE layers of cuticle? Yeah, me neither – and after lunch we began learning the basics of giving a manicure.

Now, this is the bit that soured the day for me. If you were a college, and offering in this case, a Certificate II or even a III in Nail Technology, would it not make sense to you that at least one of the students enrolled would themselves have a set of acrylic or gel nails?

Out of the 6 students in my class, four of us have acrylic nails. Myself included, obviously. I’ve been getting my nails done on and off for yonks, and the set I have now, I’ve had for over two years.

If you were the college, and were planning on having your students practice manicures etc on each other, would you not request in advance that students have their acrylic nails removed? You can probably see where I’m going with this…

I enrolled thinking that we would be practising on either plastic hands, or people willing to be guinea pigs. The thought of having my own hands done didn’t even cross my mind – I was the one that was doing the services, not receiving them.

Us students were informed yesterday (after they realised that two thirds of the class had acrylic nails), that they would either need to be removed by the next class, or we would have to bring a friend so that everyone could have a turn practising. Poor planning and foresight, in my opinion.

I am the one who paid upfront for this course, and therefore I am prepared to travel the distance to participate. It is not fair for me to request that a friend of mine, who has nothing to do with my education, give up half of their Saturday, and travel the distance I have to, so I can practice on them and keep my own nails. That would be rude and selfish of me. Therefore, I need to bite the bullet and get my nails taken off. And to be honest with you, I really, really, REALLY don’t want to. I know it’s stupid, but  hey, having my nails done is just me. Part of who I am. Also, I only got them done last weekend, and if I had been notified in advance, I would have had them taken off then, instead of paying $50 for a refill that needs to come off barely a week later.

The course is good, I’ve learnt lots, and there’s lots more to learn. But I’m just shitty that this was sprung on me at the last minute. I would have had a bit of a grumble anyway, but at least I would have had fair warning and I would have understood the reasoning behind it.

And I’ll tell you now, as soon as the course is done, and everyone’s finished practising on me, I’m going straight back to my own nail tech so she can reverse the damage of 4 months practice and put my nails back on how they were!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to study up for my first text next weekend…

A few things to get off my chest…

1. You said that you’re going to owe me big time for this, and I played along, but really, I’ve got my reward now. Hanging out with you again is going to be awesome.
2. I’m going to miss working with you. The banter and laughs have helped make the last few months a little easier for me.
3. Thank you for being a sounding board. It’s been great getting to know you and learning that no matter what, it always works out, even if it’s the last thing you planned on doing.
4. Your incessant belching and brashness is driving me insane.
5. No, I haven’t broken your thermometer! And yes, you are my favourite, but I’m not going to tell you because having you suck up to me is hilarious.
6. I got what you wanted for yourself. Sucks to be you, doesn’t it?
7. You are the best gift I ever could have dreamt of. Just stop destroying the furniture!
8. I’m really, really grateful that you’re giving me this opportunity – it’s something I’ve always had in mind for myself, and I’m going to do my damnedest to not let either of us down.
9. The fact that you believe in me, even when I don’t believe in myself at times, is truly amazing. You are a beautiful person, and I hope you get your wish this year. You deserve it.
10. Don’t contact me again. I know what you did, even if it was all those years ago. Be thankful I don’t hunt you down and make you pay for it.
11. You’re like a sister to me, and you know it. We’re going to grow old together and look back and laugh at all the crazy shit we’ve done. I can see it.
12. I really hope you support me in this. I have my doubts, and I shouldn’t have them – so please, PLEASE, prove me wrong.

This year, I have vowed to go after everything I wanted. So far, it’s working for me.

Work wise, I’m still contracting, but in two weeks I’m transferring to a department in which I have experience. They’ve given me a 12 month contract, as opposed to the usual 3 months, and they are wanting someone who is willing to fill the role permanently – which I am. It’s not a position I went for; rather, they approached me. And since lately I’m all about “going for it” – I did.

My nail course starts this coming Saturday, the 6th, and I am mega excited. A little nervous, but I think that’s more nerves about the long drive than the course itself. I only travel in small circles, see, and for me to drive an hour down the coast for this course? It’s kind of a big deal. I did a test run last weekend with Matt, and we made it there and back in one piece. I’m a little sad about giving up my Saturdays for 18 weeks straight, but it’s definitely going to be worth it.

My gym is holding an 8 week weight loss challenge which starts tomorrow. I can’t believe tomorrow is the FIRST of MARCH. What the hell happened to January and February?! The year is already one sixth gone… it’s ridiculous. Anyway, the gym challenge. I’ve been fighting with my weight for years, and I am just so damn tired of being trapped in this body. I’m uncomfortable, tired, and just plain fed up with myself. This challenge is it for me. It’s the kick up the arse I’m so desperately needing. My trainer has struck a deal with me: if I lose 8kg in those 8 weeks, she is going to treat me to a massage out of her own pocket. If I lose more than those 8kg, she’s going to throw in a pedicure AND a facial as well. She wants me to do it just as much as I do! I just need to focus, be outright selfish if I need to be, and get in there and do it. I can do it, I just need to prove it to myself, and keep on telling myself that I’m worth it. That’s my biggest problem; not believing that I am worth it.

In preparation for the next 8 weeks, and getting into ‘”I’m worth it!” mode, I had a full on girly pamper-fest tonight. All the stuff I should be doing for myself and don’t, I did it. I’m quite slack, I’m sure I’m going to pay for it in my old age… So all in one hit, I:

• Put a toner through my hair (the downside of bleaching, it can start going yellow)
• Started my tooth whitening treatment
• Cleansed and toned my face, put on a clay mask, and then moisturised
• Defuzzed all necessary areas
• Gave my body a once over with a scrub… trying to get rid of the blasted sunburn peel
• Moisturised, including using the gradual self-tan moisturiser on my albino legs
• Cleaned my new piercing – oh, didn’t I tell you about this? Say hello to my newly pierced tragus:
  (No, it didn’t hurt, and it was done so quick I wouldn’t have had time to complain if it had… it’s also itchy already which is a very good sign!)

All that girly stuff is a lot of work, but I’m worth it.

This year still promises to be totally kick-arse. Yay!

I’m sitting here listening to bad karaoke which is being amplified from streets and streets away. Right now the entire suburb is being treated a murderous, cat screeching rendition of Natalie Imbruglia’s Torn.

I’m looking at the self-tanning moisturiser on my desk and thinking about putting it to use on my legs. The irony would be applying self tan to my legs when my entire top half looks like it’s been deep-fried. I’m crispy – but not in the appetising beer battered chips kind of way. My boobs are on fire, which is to be expected when you sit your fair-skinned, singlet-clad self outside for 9 hours straight because you’re going to your very first concert (Paramore!!!) and you want to be able to see them, damnit.

My favourite photo of last night’s gig:

Awesome photo taking skillz, I has not; rather, this is the flukiest shot I think I’ve ever taken. My voice held out all night, which was a miracle for someone with a throat infection who was singing and screaming at full volume for roughly three hours. I’m a little disappointed, actually. I had myself all worked up ready to squeak my way through the weekend, and I don’t have to.

(I don’t need to squeak, the new karaoke singer is doing a brilliant job of that all on his own at the moment…)

I’ve taken enough photos to do a mini-scrapbook to depict my “concert deflowering” – and yes, I bought a shirt. How the hell could I NOT buy a shirt from my first gig?!

I’m overtired, as I only slept 6 hours before my blazing bosoms awoke me. For someone who needs 8-10 hours just to function, I’m feeling it. Unfortunately for me, being a stomach sleeper, the next week is going to be filled with painful nights.

(OH GOD – now some chick is singing “What About Me” – what about you? You sound FUCKING TERRIBLE!!!!!!! If this karaoke doesn’t end soon, tonight is going to be even more painful that I’d anticipated.)

It was so worth it though – hanging with my BFF, trying to pull off stupid newspaper hats – OH YES WE DID! – seeing an awesome band, having Maccas for dinner at 11pm, and collapsing into bed in an exhausted, flaming heap. Totally worth it.

So, what’s new in Kellyland…

Had my first ever massage on Saturday morning. Quite possibly The. Best. Thing. I have ever done. An hour of awesomeness, all about me. I was a little wary of stripping down and getting on the table, but once the massage started… ooohhhh… I didn’t get the girl’s name, but I got the card, so I’m going to ring back and ask who she was so that I can ask for her again! She was great to talk to, not too chatty, the balance was just right. I woke up that morning  feeling quite nauseous with a thumping sinus headache. I got given a heat pack before my massage – Matt had a 30 minute massage before me – and I was lucky enough to also score a bonus face and scalp massage which killed the last of my headache. Definitely one of those things that had me thinking “WHY have I not tried this before now?!”

Work wise, things are a little up in the air. For good reasons, not bad. I won’t go into it for now, as I don’t know who visits. If things work out how they currently plan to, it will be good for me. The worst part is waiting!

Only a couple more weeks until my nail course starts, and I’m getting a bit nervous, but very excited. It will be a great feeling to be studying again, even if it’s not in the traditional sense. My own nail technician has said that she needs someone else to come in and help her out. She has asked me if I’d be interested (woot!) and at my appointment on Saturday we discussed how things could work. The best part, I get to practice on her, then progress to working with her part time, CASH IN HAND. And from what she told me, if I work Saturday and 1-2 nights a week, I could almost match what I’m earning in my 38-hour week. Yowza.

So that’s about it for now… until something else semi-exciting pops up…

At the moment I’m feeling like I’m not in control of things. Since my last job wrapped up in November, my weight’s jumped up 5kg, I’m moody and down all the time, and I just feel off. I don’t feel myself. I admit that I’m having trouble with my current job. It’s taken up until last week to even get some training – 9 weeks in – and I’m not feeling comfortable. I don’t fit in.

I’m starting to doubt myself and whether I can turn this around. The job situation I’m going to have to live with for now, the bills need to be paid, and I can choose not to stay on if I’m asked to come time for the contract to be renewed. That’s a bonus about being on a contract, I guess. There are lots of downsides too, like not having job security or leave entitlements. Or feeling like you belong somewhere. I miss my friends. I miss being able to work autonomously without having to constantly stop and ask questions.

As for the weight, well, food is my drug of choice. I’m using it to comfort myself, as always. Right now, when I make an effort to eat better, I purposely sabotage it. I don’t even pretend that I’m going to stick to plan. Like today – I had no reason to go out at lunchtime. I even made myself a nice salad. But no, I went out for nothing in particular and then decided to get something to eat as well.

January hasn’t been good to me. Actually, that’s a lie. I haven’t been good to myself.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I’m going to make the best of it. I need to do it. I can’t keep on like this forever.