Posted by: k | November 28, 2008

And EXHALE…

Dad arrived home this morning. We were at the airport for 6.30am, and his plane was only delayed by 15 minutes. It still seemed like forever before he came through customs, but in reality it was probably only about 40 minutes after the plane landed, and we had him back.

I’ve had a thumping headache all day and have just wanted to sleep – I know getting out of bed at 5.30am didn’t help, but I can just feel some of the stress just lifting off my shoulders. Hopefully I can make it out of this rut soon. I say some of the stress, because I read a quote in a book today – “The only totally stress-free situation is in the grave.” Amen to that.

Invitations for my birthday party have been handed out, the cake ordered, and I’m now thinking about organising the music. I figure I’ll just burn most of my iTunes playlist onto a dvd and chuck it in Dad’s surround sound system on the night. Drown out our whingey neighbours with some bass.

The next task is focusing on my weight… with all the crap and stress going on in my life the last few months, my weight loss efforts suffered. Let’s be honest, I’ve been having PT sessions for 6 months now, and I’m pretty much in the same place I was 6 months ago. I did lose, but gained it back. And my motivation? What motivation?

I considered giving in and going on another one of those programs – you know the ones, shakes twice a day and not a lot else. Then I thought about not bothering with December on the horizon. December’s always a constant eat-drink-mingle cycle, with Christmas parties, my birthday, Christmas, and then New Year’s. I mentioned it to my trainer on Wednesday though (after being berated for not going to the gym all week), and she said going on a program, even just until Christmas – might be what I need to get back on track, and I can give myself a fresh start. I don’t consider it a long-term thing, but it might ‘reset’ my food habits so I stop randomly picking at stuff and get my act together.

I did, however, have what might be a slight breakthrough. I admitted to my trainer that I’m scared – about what will happen when this weight starts to come off.  I guess I’ve always been big, so what happens when all that fat starts to disappear? What will become of me then? Will I become a different person? It honestly scares me, but I felt a little better when my trainer said, “I think you’ll be exactly the same person, but better.”

So tomorrow afternoon, I’ll go and sign up for one of those programs, and just get a couple of week’s worth of stuff. I tried some almonds for the first time the other day, and didn’t mind them, so I bought some today. Maybe with the shakes, almonds, and a few salads, I might make a bit of progress.

If not, I’ll be the one with the family-sized pack of Twisties in the corner refusing to share.

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