Posted by: k | October 9, 2007

Grumbles (don’t read me if you’re feeling happy)

My arm hurts. I got my injection yesterday (hormones, wahoo!), and silly me thought that the top-up would improve my mood some. Nope. Apparently my body doesn’t give a shit how much oestrogen is swimming around in my veins. Go figure.

But you know what the irony is? I feel like I’m about to get that monthy visit. Except I haven’t had one in like, a year. I’m moody, shitty, tired, probably bloated from all the ice cream I ate on the weekend. I’m not cramping, but hey, the ache in my chest probably counts.

Example: Site supervisor rings up last week wanting orders to be posted. Was working with boss all day, so although I wrote it down, I totally forgot/didn’t have time to do it. Had two days off.
Came in Monday, supervisor rang. Said someone else in the office might have posted them, and to check. Not done. Let supervisor know, he said it was urgent. So, instead of posting them like he said in the first place, I got them ready and put them in his tray, so he could pick them up and give them to the concretor. Which I assumed would be quicker than posting them and waiting 2 days for them to be delivered.
Today, someone comes over and asks why the files are in the tray. Says the supervisor is NOT HAPPY and will be calling and more than likely having a go at me (because hey, I’ve got nothing else to do other than get files ready. Pffsh). Right on cue, phone rings. Get blasted. Transfer call afterwards and sit at desk. NEARLY CRY.

Yes folks, imagine walking into an office and seeing the receptionist bawling her eyes out. Good image, no? Good thing I can blink quickly. I just slammed stuff instead. Slamming stuff is good. Although, slamming inanimate objects doesn’t quite have the appeal of slamming a few skulls against one another.

Anyway. I am not coping at all. I’m not sleeping properly. I sleep, but it’s not restful. I have no motivation to go to the gym whatsoever. I don’t care about what goes in my mouth.

Matt, bless him, is constantly telling me how strong I am. I’m not that strong. I only appear to be because I listen to everyone else’s problems, and don’t vent my own. What I really want is to be left the fuck alone so I can slam stuff in peace… you know what I mean.

I could really slam something right now…

I hate everything, and almost everyone. I hate waking up in the morning. I hate my job. I hate that I’m on below minimum wage and yet I’m doing the work of 2 people. I also hate that I can’t leave until I finish my traineeship. I hate that what I really need is time off work, but I can’t take it because I need my holiday pay for Christmas.

I also hate that my boss yelled at me yesterday for something that wasn’t even my fault. Don’t blame me for someone else’s fuckup… I did my part of the job, it’s the other end that’s not working.

Gah. A hole opening up to swallow me right now would be quite nice.
But even that won’t work. Should I start digging?



  1. Aww I’m sorry. *hug*
    I hate getting the blame for something that isn’t your fault – especially when you can’t do anything about it (ie. slam skulls together). How long until the traineeship is over? You can get through it, and then you can change jobs and get one that you really like! And one in which you are appreciated. *hug*

  2. You know what you need? It sounds like you need to get away from it all.. maybe on the weekend? Get a massage, go for a drive, just have a break. *squishes*

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