Posted by: k | November 6, 2006

New Journal

Okay, so some of you will already know me as kelz_tha_nut. I don't use that blurty, and it’s full of useless crap anyway. I really only use it now to join a few communities, but I think it’s time for a change. That journal has a few things about what I like to call my “past life” and I’d really rather leave that behind.
Anyway, I really stuffed up. I’ve been having a few health issues, and I decided instead of confiding in my mum (who I’m ridiculously close to – in a good way) I would just try and deal with it myself. But for anyone to understand, I need to start from the beginning and go through the whole story.
At the start of the year, I decided it was about time I started doing something about my weight. So I started eating better, and without exercising, I lost about a kilo a week for about 10 weeks (so I think that works out to about 20 pounds or something). And it was fantastic! I dropped a dress size, and even the new clothes were getting looser on me, and I loved it! The thing is, I’ve always been on the big side, and never bothered to do anything about it. And that 10kg is the most I’ve ever managed to lose, and I wasn’t even trying that hard…
Then, as they say, the layer of contentment worked its way back on, because I started to get to know this guy better and I really started falling for him (he’s now my boyfriend – 8 months and counting!). And it started creeping back on, which I’m going to say is his fault because he’s 6’2 and so damn thin…
So here we are, 8 months down the road, the boyfriend’s moved in, and I’m back where I started, weight wise, except I’m worse off. I don’t know if it’s because I have a new job now or what, but I’ve been getting some chest pains, and it’s really freaking me out. I have an appointment with my doctor after work this afternoon, because he wants to double check my blood pressure, which has been high. So I was going to tell him everything and find out what’s going on, and then I was going to sit my mum down and tell her, because I knew she’d freak out so I wanted to have all the details for her. But it didn’t work out that way….
See, my boyfriend managed to get it out of me a few nights ago, because I was upset about it, but I didn’t want to tell anyone, but I caved in and told him, and he said he wouldn’t say anything until I told her. But he’s been freaking out about Christmas coming up, and he has to get the rego on his car renewed the week before Xmas (2 days before my birthday), and he needs all this other work on his car done, so he told me that basically he can’t afford to get any extravagent presents for us, and I said that was cool cuz we don’t give pressies to get them back, and because me and mum are really close, I just said that he was worrying about Chrissy and about presents and stuff, so she… for want of a better word… confronted him and said that it doesn’t matter because there’ll be something under the tree for him anyway, and that it doesn’t matter if he can’t afford to give anything in return. So he got pissed off that I told her about that, and to get back at me he told her about my chest pains, and she went absolutely mental at me, because she had to hear it from him and not me, and was really upset and worried about me, and went off about how I need to get my finger out and get healthy again… so both me and her were crying in different rooms, with Dad comforting her and I had Matt holding me while I lost it, and now he’s really sorry that he told her, but I guess I deserve it for not telling her anyway. So this afternoon she’s coming down to the doctors with me to find out what’s going on, and if it’s just stress or something more sinister.
Aren’t I pathetic?

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