4415

Sometimes, I get the feeling that I’ll never really fit in here. I mean, everyone’s great, but I think they’re holding me off at arm’s length. Maybe it’s because they’re waiting to see if I’m going to stick around before they open up, or maybe I just come across as weird to them.
I’ve invited the girls to my Body Shop party on Friday night, so it’ll be interesting to see what happens, and if they’re going to act any different outside of work. Who knows, eh?

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring
the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Quiz!

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Kelly
Birthday:	18/12/1987
Birthplace:	Mornington
Current Location:	Brissy
Eye Color:	Blue
Hair Color:	Caramelish blonde
Height:	5′4″
Right Handed or Left Handed:	LEFTY!!
Your Heritage:	Irish, Welsh, Australian
The Shoes You Wore Today:	thongs! (or flip flops or whatever they’re called outside Australia)
Your Weakness:	only seeing good in people
Your Fears:	losing my friends and family, the dark, loud thunderstorms,
Your Perfect Pizza:	meat lovers with lots of pepperoni
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	I did it! I got my licence and a car!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	“…”
Thoughts First Waking Up:	stuff this… I’m rolling over
Your Best Physical Feature:	probably my eyes
Your Bedtime:	about 10ish lately
Your Most Missed Memory:	being a kid - not having to worry about anything
Pepsi or Coke:	either is good
MacDonalds or Burger King:	hungry jack’s (burger king)
Single or Group Dates:	single dates!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	neither
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	I don’t do coffee
Do you Smoke:	nope
Do you Swear:	more than I like to admit
Do you Sing:	pretty badly
Do you Shower Daily:	yep
Have you Been in Love:	I am right now…
Do you want to go to College:	I’m already there
Do you want to get Married:	yes
Do you belive in yourself:	yeah, to an extent
Do you get Motion Sickness:	only when I’m sitting backwards on a train
Do you think you are Attractive:	not really..
Are you a Health Freak:	hell no
Do you get along with your Parents:	yeah we’re really close
Do you like Thunderstorms:	sometimes…
Do you play an Instrument:	yep.. piano
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yep
In the past month have you Smoked:	nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yeah
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yup.. have to go to one every day to get the mail
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	nope
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no way
In the past month have you been Dumped:	nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	if you consider sharing a bubble bath skinny dipping, then yes
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	nope
Ever been Drunk:	not really..
Ever been called a Tease:	yeah!!
Ever been Beaten up:	i’ve been tackled.. not beaten up
Ever Shoplifted:	nope
How do you want to Die:	quickly and painlessly
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	happy.. which sounds stupid.. but its true
What country would you most like to Visit:	Wales
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	brown
Favourite Hair Color:	brownish
Short or Long Hair:	short
Height:	taller than me!
Weight:	meh? healthy
Best Clothing Style:	whatever he’s comfortable in and looks good
Number of Drugs I have taken:	only for medicinal purposes
Number of CDs I own:	too many
Number of Piercings:	5, two in each ear and my nose
Number of Tattoos:	none
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	letting people manipulate me
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Very well written

“I might not be your first, your last, or your only. You've cared about someone else before and possibly will again- but if you care for me now; then what else matters? You're not perfect and I'm not either, and the two of us will never be perfect. But if you can make me laugh, I'll hold onto you and give you the most I can. You're probably not going to quote poetry. You might not be thinking about me every second of the day. But you will give me a part of you that you know I could break. So I will not hurt you, wont change you and I don't expect more than you can give. I won't over analyze, I'll smile when you make me happy, I'll yell when you make me mad, and I'll miss you whenever you're not here and I'm not there.”

3430

Dear Cookie,

I know we seem to be fighting a lot lately, and I'm trying the best I can to work on it. Hopefully you are too.

You're sending me a lot of mixed signals lately, one night you say that you think I'm ignoring you, because when I get home from work I have a quick convo with my parents and tell them what happened that day… and you think that I'm putting you last. Then the next night, you admit that as soon as we get home from work you want to be left alone for awhile until you calm down. What am I supposed to do? I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

I know you're at work right now, and so am I, but I think I'm going to call you in a minute, just to tell you that I miss you and I love you…

I wish you'd talk to me more. How can I help you if you won't talk to me? Instead of getting shitty at me and snapping, maybe you need to talk more.

I'll see you when I get home…

Love,
Me.

3300

I'm so scared I'm going to lose him. All we seem to do at the moment is fight. I… don't really know what to do. I haven't been in a serious relationship before, and neither has he… so I guess it's just a learning curve?
I hope so…

It has begun.

Gah. So I've started back on the healthy eating thing. And those stupid meal replacement shakes. Yeuch. But I paid heaps of money for those shakes, so I guess I better drink the bloody things… It doesn't even really come out smooth when you shake it… there's little solid bits stuck to the side of the glass where I've been sipping it (note: sipping - not OHMIGODittastessodamngoodigottahaveitallinonegulp). I guess thats the roughage and stuff in it, but still, shakes are meant to be smooth.. not… err.. lumpy.
I'm pissed off at the moment because I just saw what mum did with my lunch… a pissy little salad! Like, a tiny bit of pasta salad n a little bit of potato salad, and a twig of lettuce (twig because it's not big enough to be a leaf), and half a boiled egg… that's it. Oh, and the small tin of tuna that I dug out to go with it.
It's only about 10:30 and I'm getting pretty hungry, I got to work at 7am, so I had to get up early and have breakfast earlier, so I'm paying for it at the moment. I want something substantial… I could go 2 min up the road to hungry jacks, but that's kinda defeating the purpose eating only the pissy salad, isn't it?
Another thing… I need support in this. I've been looking at the support groups on Blurty, and all that's out there is ana groups. Like “I didn't have breakfast and I might have a cracker today, but if I do, OMFG I'm gonna hate myself forever cuz that's like, 1 calorie I don't need right now” or “OMG I weigh 130 pounds and I'm so fat I'm gonna die right now”.
I found a weight converter online (cuz in Australia, we go by kilograms, not pounds) and do you know how much 130 pounds actually is? 58 kilos. Anyone that weighs 58kilos would nearly get blown over in a breeze. So to the girls who think they're so fucking fat because they've got this figure on the scale, shut the fuck up and eat some cake. I weigh 220 pounds, and that's a fucking weight problem, okay?
PS. I just did a coffee run, and walked past a carvery, so I ended up caving and getting potato gems… my bad.

Angry

Somewhere along the line, I went from being a carefree, generally happy soul to being a truly angry person.
I was angry in my old job, because I was bored and it was the same thing over and over. I was angry because I was on crap hours, and I couldn't spend time with my family on the weekend, or eat dinner with them during the week. I was angry because of the way people treated me there, both customers and staff, and I'm angry because I stayed there and put up with it for so long. I was angry because I was always the one that had to work all the public holidays, all the Christmas Eve's, Boxing Days and New Year's Days, and even though I worked my arse off, I've got nothing to show for it. I'm angry because I bottled everything up and it got to the point where I was on the verge of a breakdown and my family was worried sick. I'm angry because while this was going on, people at said work didn't notice, or if they did, they chose to ignore it.
I was angry because it took me so long to get my drivers licence, mainly from laziness, and then I was angry when I failed the first test because of the car I was driving (bloody power steering!). I'm angry now I'm driving, when stupid BASTARDS who pay road tax think they own it, and make up whatever rules they please. I'm angry at trucks who sit so far up my arse at the traffic lights all I can see is white in my rearview mirror, and I'm angry at buses that cut in wherever they can. And I'm angry that my car cost me $600 to get fixed when my rego was due 2 weeks later. I am not angry about the fact, however, that my car can only have a quarter of a tank of petrol and it only takes $15 to fill it to overflowing.
I am angry at the fact that because it takes a lot to get my back up, people think they can throw all sorts of shit at me and I'll put up with it. Just because I can be a girl of few words (yes, shut up) doesn't mean I don't know how to stand up for myself. When I speak, I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. I have a sarcastic, warped and sometimes sick sense of humour, and I get angry when people think I'm being serious, and take offence to something I say in jest.
I'm angry because I worked so hard at the start of the year, and I lost 10kgs.. (20 pounds) in about 8 weeks, and I've put every last ounce back on in double the amount of time it took me to lose it. I'm angry at myself because I figured “oh well” and didn't do anything to stop it from getting worse. I'm angry because now it's messing with my health… I'm bloody angry that I had to take my blood pressure twice a day for a week, and that I had to go and have an exercise stress test because I've been having chest pains. I'm angry at myself for being so lazy, and taking the easy way out and eating junk instead of working towards being healthier. I'm angry because I've got a great life, and if I lose my health, I've got nothing. And I'm well on the way to losing my health at the moment.
Mainly, I'm angry at myself. I'm angry because I constantly strive for perfection. I'm angry because even though I have a wonderful family, a loving and caring boyfriend, a fantastic new job in which I'm constantly learning, and a set of wheels to get me from A to B, more often than not, I feel like a failure.

2534

For the first time in about a month, when I woke up this morning, Matt was laying beside me. I liked it. So I went back to sleep.
Until 6:30 rolled around and he shook me awake. Oh well. Better than mum beating the door down, I guess.
Thank God it's Friday, though I'm not quite looking forward to the weekend. Tomorrow I've gotta have my blood test to check my cholesterol, so no breakfast for me as soon as I get up. After that it's all good for the rest of the weekend. Then on Monday I have to miss out on half a day of work because I've got my stress test down at the heart centre, so that will be interesting. And on Tuesday, the blood pressure monitor goes back, which is great, because I'm sick to death of taking my own damn blood pressure! It doesn't give me good numbers anyway…

Christmas Party…

So I just found out that our work Christmas Party is going to be on the 15th of December, which is a Friday night, at a chinese place in Underwood. Alethea reckons the place isn't that good, but whatever works. This means that I can start thinking about what I'm going to do for my birthday, so I'll probably have a little barbeque or something on the Saturday, either at lunchtime or at night.. lunch sounds good to me.
Anyway, I know I'm at work, but right now the database is really annoying me, playing up and taking forever to load and stuff, and I have a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge stack of paperwork to enter, so I guess I better get back to it…
Hurry up lunchtime, I'm starving… and there's a nice meal just waiting to be chucked in the microwave…